Caledonia Argus

Mother shares story of daughterís sexual assault

Posted: 4/20/04

By Shannon McKinney
Argus News Reporter

Lynn is the mother of a child who was sexually assaulted.

Her daughter was assaulted between the ages of five and 11 years old. They were perpetrated by an extended family member who was only three years older and happened when the families got together.

Lynn (not her real name) agreed to be interviewed by The Argus to promote Aprilís Sexual Assault Awareness month.

Lynn had no idea the assaults were occurring. ìI didnít think kids (would assault kids)..... The thought never crossed my mind that he would do something like that.î

Lynn said the assaults happened when the kids would go out to play and the adults would stay together and visit. The assaults on her daughter stopped after a discovery. ìWe had family holiday going on. They went into the bedroom to play a board game and shut the door. When I went to call them for dinner, I caught them both with their pants down,î she explained.

When asked if anything else had happened, her daughter denied it. Afterward, the two were never left alone.

Her daughter finally told a guidance counselor at school because she noticed the perpetrator beginning to warm up to other family members similar to the way heíd treated her. ìShe could see signs, so she went to her school counselor and reported that she had been sexually molested because she didnít want him to go on to someone else,î she said.

Lynn says justice has not been served even though the boy, now an adult, admits to the assaults. A doctor has described him as cognitively challenged, and therefore unable to be tried in court.

The effects of the assaults have changed her life and that of her daughter. ìSheís into counseling now and does really good.î

However, it is frustrating to Lynn and her daughter that no justice has been served.

Her daughter had kept quiet about the assaults because the perpetrator threatened to harm her cats.

ìDonít trust anybodyî

Since the incident, Lynn has concluded, ìDonít trust anybody. Donít take relationships for granted, just because theyíre related. 80 percent of perpetrators are known to the victim. Trust your instincts If something doesnít feel right.î

Lynn also recommended allowing children their personal space and not forcing them to hug relatives if they are uncomfortable doing it. ìRespect their bodies and wishes.î

Lynn doesnít believe in children staying overnight in other homes.

Rosanne St. Sauver, of Houston County Womenís Resources, said children need supervision. ìYou just canít leave children on their own.î

Since the discovery of the sexual assault, Lynn quit her job to help her daughter. She and her daughter see different counselors and Lynn recently signed up to be an advocate for Houston County Womenís Resources. An advocate is someone who helps by listening to other victims and making them aware of their options. She has learned more about how the system deals with sexual assault victims and also writes to newspapers to educate the public through ìletters to the editorî.

She also attends a weekly support group. ìIt helps being around other victims and being able to talk it out. There are some similarities, but everybody has there own thing that has happened to them,î she explained.

Lynn still has a lot of anger towards the perpetrator and the system she feels failed her daughter, which is perhaps one reason she continues to be involved in ways that raise the awareness of sexual assault in society.

She has started a petition to eliminate plea bargains for sexual perpetrators. The petition will be sent to State Representatives Greg Davids and Gene Pelowski and Senator Bob Kierlin.

Despite the experience her daughter has been through, Lynn says she has grown into a positive person with a beautiful personality. ìSheís very sweet,î she said.

Her daughter is now 17 years old.

Counseling helps victims

She adds that a lot of the reason her daughter has turned out so well is because of the counseling and support she has received. ìShe knew she had a parent who would stand beside her,î she said.

Her daughter has gone a long way from struggling with trying to kill herself. ìShe had a big problem with depression. She was on medicine[for it]. We just kept reassuring her that it wasnít her fault.There are a lot of parents who donít want to believe [their children were victimized].î

Lynn said it is very hard for victims to come out with the truth because they are ashamed of what happened and feel guilty.

St. Sauver said that people need to be cautious of everyone. ìFor whatever reason, people tend to let their guard down around people who have money, but it does not matter. It happens to everybody. Itís about how women and kids are viewed.î

She added that people also tend to blame the victim. ìItís part of giving yourself a false sense of safety. You pick apart the victim and you can say, ëthis wouldnít have happened to me, because Iím not like that.íî

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