Put down the Raid, Mom
I came home from work last Wednesday to an amazing sight.

The house was covered with Asian lady beetles.

I donít mean a few hundred. I mean thousands, perhaps tens of thousands.

I tried to enter the front door. The beetles were so thick, I knew I would bring in 30 or 40 with me. So I went to the side door. Another 50 were waiting to hitch a ride inside.

The back door was in the shade. There were only about 20 beetles poised on the door frame, so I made a quick entrance.

Once inside, I brushed about 10 beetles off my shirt and pants and head and arms, then squashed them. The acrid scent of crushed beetles hit my nose. Yuck.

Later that night, I went to visit Mom in town. She had a frantic look in her eye, one I havenít seen many times. Her vacuum cleaner was standing at the ready. The beetles had arrived there too, and as is the case with most old houses, they had found their way inside, big time.

I swept up a pile of bugs and stood back while Mom sprayed the bugs on the ceiling with Raid.

ìThat stuff will kill you faster than it will kill the bugs,î I told Mom, but not too harshly, lest she send a blast my way.

ìIíve got to do something,î she said.

ìItís a plague, Mom,î I said. ìItís Biblical. You canít fight them.î

Mom straightened up. The old Mom had returned. ìYou have to fight them!î she said, sounding like Carl Fruechte talking to his football team.

Yes, this is war, and the Asian lady beetles are winning this particular battle, despite all the Fern Heillers to the contrary.

I understand what Mom was saying. You have to do something. Vacuum. Sweep. Brush. Crush. Swear.

But I have a feeling our feeble efforts are really superficial, like the efforts of a pioneer farmer fighting a cloud of grasshoppers in 1885. You can cover the marigolds, but the hoppers are going to get the corn.

The Asian beetles will go away when dyatime temperatures fall below 60 degrees and we get some cloudy days. Or so the experts say. And theyíll be back again next year.

Asian lady beetles are a force of nature, and their sheer numbers make me pause in amazement and even a little fear. We really have no choice but to put up with them. Itís a concept that we mighty humans have trouble with.

We can wage war at the drop of a hat, or even without the drop of a hat. We can put a man on the moon, as the old saying goes. But we canít stop something as tiny as a beetle.

And the ultimate irony is that this is a man-made problem. According to my Google research, the Asian beetle was first released in the early 1900s as a biological control agent. Numerous subsequent releases have been made throughout the United States. The bugs eat aphids, and therefore help crops like soybeans.

The beetle was first recorded as a pest in houses in 1988 in Albita Springs, Louisiana. Thatís just 16 years ago. That city is close to ports used for international shipping including cargo containers from Asia. Apparently an inadvertent release occurred, and the beetle adapted to its new home just fine, thank you.

The lesson to be learned is this: Donít tamper with Mother Nature. Weíve upset the apple cart with the Asian beetles, and now they are going to be with us for a long, long time.

Now put down that can of Raid, Mom. Step away from the vehicle.

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