Bu David Heiller

Alex Westberg is my nephew, and heís got a couple good traits, as this photo shows.

One, heís a good fisherman. He caught this white sucker on the river a couple weeks ago. It weighed about seven pounds. Turns out the state record is 9 pounds, one ounce. We didnít realize that at the time or we might have kept it. But Alex let it go. He likes to do that. Heís got a good heart, at least in the figurative sense.

Iím not so sure about the physical one.

Alex is a smoker, as this photo also shows, and thatís his other good trait that I'll mention here. I never used to think that smoking was a good thing, but Iím encouraging it at every chance I get, and I thanked Alex every time he lit up a coffin nail.

Smokers are funding our schools in good old Minnesota. They are helping pay for Minnesota Care.

Donít try to figure out the logic behind this.

Our governor proposed a 75 cent ìfeeî on cigarettes, and since he took a no-new-taxes pledge, he felt this was entirely appropriate to fund our government. Itís a fee, not a tax. Duh, OK Governor, whaddevver you say.

So smokers are paying for our health insurance and schools.

Schools should be very grateful to smokers. Take down those anti-smoking signs in the hallway of Caledonia Middle School. Forget about that anti-smoking poster contest for the fourth graders. We should be encouraging kids to smoke. Theyíd be helping to pay for their education. It would be a good life lesson. ìGood job, Johnny, drag on that sucker. Well get another full-time fifth grade teacher yet!î

Teachers, light up. Itís job security. Bring back that smoke-filled teachersí lounge that we all (cough cough) remember (hack hack) so well.

Cancer? Heart disease? Not to worry. There should be enough health insurance money left over from your habit to help pay for the surgery and chemotherapy and respirator. Your wife will have to worry about the funeral costs, but nothing is free anymore.

Got a problem with any of this? Donít write to me. Hereís the man you want to see: Governor Tim Pawlenty. His email is tim.pawlenty@state.mn.us. Write to him at 130 State Capitol, 75 MLK Jr. Blvd., St. Paul, MN 55155. Call him at (651) 296-3391

Tell him youíre not afraid to pay a little more in taxes. We should all pay our share for the common good. Isnít that how itís supposed to work?

Or we could actually raise the income tax for the wealthiest Minnesotans, another proposal that the governor opposed. A tax bracket of 11 percent on income of single filers over $166,000 (the stateís richest 42,000 people) would have raised nearly a billion to pay for extra spending on schools and health care.

And tell Tim no more Taxpayer Protection Pledges that cozy up to groups like Americans for Tax Reform. Donít make promises you canít and shouldnít keep. Then maybe common sense will return.

Until then, thank you Alex. Youíre a good kid. Youíve got a good heart, for now at least.

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Caledonia Argus
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