I enjoyed reading a couple quotes from football players after the Pittsburg Steelers beat the Indianapolis Colts on January 15.

Colts kicker Mike Vanderjagt missed a field goal that would have tied the game with 21 seconds left. Vanderjagt commented, ìI guess the Lord forgot about the football team.î

Just before that, Pittsburgís Jerome Bettis had fumbled the ball, almost costing his team the victory. His teammate, wide receiver Hines Ward said, ìThe man above, he really looked down on Jerome and said, ëIím not going to let you end your career on a fumble like that.íî

So I guess football players know what God is thinking. Ray Nagin, the mayor of New Orleans, does also. At a Martin Luther King Day speech in New Orleans on January 16, 2006, Nagin said, ìThis city will be a majority African-American city. Itís the way God wants it to be.î

But Nagin and the jocks donít hold a candle to televangelist Pat Robertson.

He thinks that God had a hand in the stroke that Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon suffered recently. ìHe was dividing Godís land,î Robertson said of Sharon. ìAnd I would say, ëWoe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations, or the United States of America.î

Orlando, Florida, is in trouble from the Big Man too, Robertson feels. The city hosts an event called ìGay Days,î and thatís a no-no. ìI would warn Orlando that youíre right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I donít think Iíd be waving those flags in Godís face if I were you. This is not a message of hate ñ this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. Itíll bring about terrorist bombs; itíll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor.î

And then there are those chumps in Dover, Pennsylvania who had the gall to hold a democratic election to elect a school board that did not support teaching intelligent design in its science classrooms. Big mistake. ìIíd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, donít turn to God, you just rejected him from your city,î Robertson said. ìAnd don't wonder why he hasnít helped you when problems begin, if they begin. Iím not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if thatís the case, don't ask for His help because He might not be there.î

Iíll try my best to summarize God from all of these comments. He (not She) does not like homosexuals, Ariel Sharon, democratic school board elections, white people in New Orleans, or the Indianapolis Colts. And when He doesnít like things, he reacts with crippling medical conditions, disasters, terrorist bombs, earthquakes, tornadoes, possibly meteors, and missed field goals.

I never knew God was such a racist Mean Cuss, or such a big football fan. But Iím still betting on the Steelers.

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