I watched a political debate on television last Sunday morning. It was interesting for the content, but just as interesting in watching how the two candidates answered questions, or didnít answer them as the case may be.
I could try to analyze that phenomenon here, but it would be dulls-ville. So letís put it in real-life terms. Hereís how some folks I know would answer mundane questions were they running for political office, which I am glad they are not.
ME: Whatís the soup today?
NAOMI MYHRE: Iím glad you asked that question, Dave. We have two different varieties, stuffed green pepper and cheesy broccoli. Each are equally good with their own distinct qualities.
ME: How much are you selling straw for?
MARLIN OMOTH: Thatís a great question, Dave. Some people would say that straw should be sold as a minor supplement to farm income, perhaps even subsidized by the more traditional cash crops of soybeans and corn in an effort to give casual gardeners such as yourself a leg up on mulching vegetables such as garlic and carrots. I personally donít subscribe to that theory, and prefer to sell straw per bale with a net profit of 23 percent. Of course, it depends on the type of straw, with rye slightly more preferable among people using it for horse bedding.
ME: How is the fishing these days?
GERY BRUENING: Thatís on many peopleís minds these days, Dave. Weíve been having great weather lately, havenít we?
ME: Did your garden turn out well?
SELMA VOIGHT: As you know, Dave, gardening is a hobby of mine. But it didnít just ìturn out,î as you so crassly stated it. It took a lot of hard work. Let me add that I raised a variety of crops, unlike my opponent, who sees fit to plant only grass and flowers, something that seems exceedingly unpractical and breaks his promise of providing larder for his family and friends, if not to give away.
ME: Did that heavy frost hurt your grapes?
CHARLIE WRAY: The frost did settle on the ground in what could be characterized as significant on October 11, as you are well aware of, Dave. But to characterize it as heavy is grossly overstating the fact, and to imply that it would affect my vineyard or farming skills is just plain twisting the facts. I think people can make up their own minds.
ME: What time will you get home from work tonight?
CINDY: Itís impossible to answer that question, Dave, as you of all people should know. There are many things that could affect that outcome: the customers I serve, the efforts of my co-workers, even the traffic on the highway.
ME: I saw that you ran for 185 yards in the football game last week.
ANDRELL HUDSON: You canít believe everything that you read in the paper, Dave. Itís true, I did have a good offensive game against Kingsland, but there were plays on which I fell short of my goal and plays on which statistician Dan Tweten could merely make estimations after conferring with Brad Hoscheit. Let me emphasize that I have nothing against Dan and Brad. They do an excellent job, and a thankless one, and often offer words of encouragement to all the players. But we can merely guess at my total yardage in that game, while at the same time acknowledging the efforts of the offensive line.
ME: How was lunch at the Copper Penny?
MOM: To describe it as lunch is something Iím not prepared to do, Dave. Itís true, we did eat at noon, and with a very capable group of women, including your aunt Doris. But growing up in North Dakota, our family ñ your forebears, son! ñ did not call the noon meal ìlunch.î That was known as dinner, and itís high time we return to those simpler times. Lunch was usually partaken of between meals, followed of course by an evening meal known as supper.
ME: I could go on, and on, and on. But you get the point. We have some important elections coming up. Iíll take them seriously, but let me hasten to add: Iíll be glad when they are over!

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