Posted: 9/5/06
Woman's struggle with mental illness has happy ending
By Jane Palen
Managing Editor
Those who struggle with mental illness often have additional burdens to bear as well. Although the afflicted person has not chosen to be ill, society often views mental illness as a character flaw, a weakness, or even a bid for attention.
A former Caledonia woman, Dianne (Schiltz) Lotter, has written a book to help give hope to those who suffer from the disease, and to help others understand them. The book is called ìThe Why of Me,î based on a quote by 19th century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: ìHe who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.î
Dianne is the daughter of the late Wilfred and Genevieve Schiltz. She was born and raised in Caledonia and graduated from Loretto High School in 1958. Following high school, she entered the convent. It was there that she first experienced the first signs of mental illness.
Dianne later left the convent, attended college, and eventually married and had three daughters. Periods of relative calm and happiness would suddenly give way to episodes of depression, suicide attempts, alcohol abuse, and institutionalization. A number of people took advantage of her those times when she was fragile and vulnerable, but there were also many people on whom she could rely, and who helped her recover her sanity.
The book includes many details that would have seemed to dim with the passage of time, but Dianne explains that she would often write about her experiences as they happened, or soon after. Her writings, which also included short stories and poems, sat on her shelf for many years. A friend who is also an author encouraged her to put her experiences in book form and get them published. Still unsure, Dianne did a lot of soul-searching.
ìI meditate one hour every day,î said Dianne, who is a third order Carmelite. ìIn the end, I felt He wanted me to do it.î
She eliminated the creative writing and pared the pages down to her experiences.
Although she discusses her battles frankly, Dianne takes great pains in her book to avoid offending or embarrassing anyone. She used her maiden name, and even changed the name of her former husband. The names of the hospitals in which she was treated and most of the people she writes about have been changed.
Dianneís three girls never knew much about their motherís struggles. Her youngest, Anne-Marie, read the manuscript and encouraged her to publish the book. Her other daughters, Barbara and Kari, were not as enthusiastic. But once it was published, ìthey were behind me 100 percent.î
Dianne said that it was hard to reveal some of the personal details of the book, but she thought it would only be helpful if she told the whole story.
ìIt took a lot of courage,î she said.
Dianne didnít have much contact with her family after leaving Caledonia, and part of that was because she did not want them to know what was happening. ìThere was a stigma,î she said. ìI donít think they had any idea. I was so afraid they would find out.î
She seldom visited Caledonia, and she did not get many visits either, partly because she lived so far away. Her parents and a sister did visit her on one occasion when she was hospitalized, but Dianne said they didnít understand why she was hospitalized.
Dianneís three sisters have read the book and are supportive of her. She said she doesnít know if her brother Larry read the book. Another brother, Eddie, committed suicide. Dianne said Eddie probably suffered from depression and didnít seek the help he needed.
Dianne credits her own recovery to her deep spiritual faith, caring members of the mental health profession and medication. She once took about 20 pills a day, and now she takes one, Zyprexa.
ìMy spiritual life is my stronghold,î she said.
About 400 copies of ìThe Why of Me,î were printed, and Dianne said she isnít sure how many have been sold. ìItís not that I wanted to make any money,î she said. ìI want to help people realize that mental illness is not the end of the world.î
There was a time, she said, when she felt that she would always be sick.
ìWhen I was ill, I didnít have hope,î she said. ìI want to bring hope to others.î
Today, Dianne has a busy life. Since her bookís release, she has been invited to speak to various groups and has assumed a position of leadership with the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI). She leads a support group for people who suffer from depression and bipolar disorder. She is active as a Carmelite, and will soon assume an assistant teaching position. ìMost of the time, Iím so healthy and happy,î said Dianne.
ìI have to be careful to not lose sleep, and learn to calm myself,î she continued. When things become overwhelming, she sometimes calls a crisis line. She has a lot of support from her counselor, psychiatrist, family and ìmany wonderful friends.î
Dianne also baby-sits three of her grandchildren on a regular basis. In her book, Dianne explains what a significant thing it is for her to be able to baby-sit.
ìI consider myself so fortunate that my daughters and sons-in-law trust me to take care of their babies. There was a time in my life when no oschkene would have dreamed of trusting me with their babies. I feel these experiences have contributed much to my present state of mental health. Nothing in the world is more beautiful and more helpless than a baby.î
Dianne is hoping to visit Caledonia in the near future, and possibly have a book-signing here.
For those who suffer from mental illness, the most important things that Dianne wants them to know is ìMental illness doesnít have to be the last word.î
They can take it from someone whoís been there.
Caledonia Argus
314 West Lincoln St.
P.O. Box 227
Caledonia, MN 55921-0227
507/724-3475
E-Mail: editor.argus@ecm-inc.com