Argus Managing Editor
If aliens were listening in on my family conversations over the weekend they would determine we lead a dull life not worth pursuing earthly domination over.
We do, however, enjoy great one-liners that I believe other Midwesterners can appreciate. They might even warrant a chuckle.
I also believe newspapers have forgot how to have fun over the years, so, with that, I bring you the first “Name That Family Member” column. There’s no prize for guessing which one of us said which line, but you’ll find the answers below.
A is for Emily, as in Emily said that. B is for Brady, as in my husband said that, and C is for Sophie, as in our daughter said that.
1. “I had a dream and Scooby Doo was in it.”
2. “I’m glad I cut this tomato with a steak knife because if I had a sharp knife I would have just cut the tip of my finger off.”
3. “I have a stomach cramp. I better drink some water. Lord knows every time I have a stomach cramp and don’t drink water I end up in the E.R. with an IV shoved up my arm for dehydration.”
4. “The sky is looking awfully black out there.”
5. “We should just go back to Reedsburg, clean out the garage and get it over with.”
6. “Can we bring the fish tank back? I need a friend in my room.”
7. “I’m sorry we can’t get those shoes. Sixty-five dollars is not in the budget for gym shoes.”
8. “Well, can I get these shoes (also $65).”
9. “What is the purpose of this commercial? It makes no sense.”
10. “I’m totally grossed out by unidentifiable crumbs in the couch.”
11. “Has the dog been fed?”
12. “Why did you buy another gallon of milk? You called me when I was at Kwik Trip Friday and I said I was getting a gallon of milk.”
13. “Can I have a glass of milk.”
14. “Oh, grab that laundry detergent. That’s a great price for that. I just hate running out of laundry detergent.”
15. “We never run out of laundry detergent.”
16. “I love these shoes. They have super stopping power.”
17. “Why can’t I have high heals?”
18 “Why can’t I wear a bikini?”
19. “I’m going to sit there when he walks in with the biggest dog I can find and be cleaning the biggest gun I have and ask, ‘Why do you want to date my daughter?’”
20. “I’m hungry!”
Answers appear in numeric order C, A, A, B, B, C, A, C, B, A, B, A, C, A, B, C, C, C, B and the final answer is A, B and C. We all said that.
You can contact Emily Bialkowski at firstname.lastname@example.org