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Former Caledonia resident and his wife author their first book
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By Craig Moorhead
Special for the Argus
Paul Wagner is describing what it was like writing his first book, a collaborative effort with his wife Hjordy.
“About five years ago we started just writing things down,” he said. “I wrote in a journal, and Hjordy wrote on the computer. Then we kind of merged it together.”
Hjordy remembers her contribution. “It really ended up being ‘mom’s memories.’ I wrote down things that struck me as significant. Paul reflected back, so they were very different. Memories and reflections. I wrote about things that happened. Paul put things into perspective.”
Paul and Hjordy gave a seminar last week at Caledonia High School. Paul grew up in Caledonia, living here until he went off to college at Winona State University. While there, he met fellow education major Hjordy, who came from Plainview, a small town about the size of Caledonia in northern Olmsted County. Paul and Hjordy both worked full time in education for over 30 years.
The subject of the book is family experiences over a period of about 10 years. The topic is something most families would consider intensely private, but Paul and Hjordy wanted to write something to help families facing similar challenges.
“When we got to that time (ready to write the book), first of all we asked the boys,” Paul remembered. “We didn’t ask them at the same time. They were in two different places, and both of the responses were almost word for word the same. They said, ‘You have to write the book.’ They gave us their blessing and the pens started working a little bit faster after that.”
Paul and Hjordy’s book is titled “Ready or Not… They’re Gay, Stories from a Midwestern family.” Both of the Wagner’s sons are homosexual.
“Over the 10 year experience we saw a lot of kids, met with them, talked with them, and we heard a lot of sad stories,” Hjordy explained. “Some of the kids were shunned from their family. Paul and I thought, if we write this book, perhaps it will help parents get through it a little bit easier. We can give kids a few tips on how they can talk to their parents and how they can work with them.”
“We wanted this to be our story, and as we did this we kind of stayed away from the religious part and the political part. We stuck with what we went through,” Paul added.
“We can’t always control our circumstances, but we can control our actions,” Hjordy pointed out. “The one thing that held tight during everything that we went through was our unconditional love for our boys. A priest was quoted one time in the newspapers saying, ‘When you find out your son is gay or your daughter is lesbian, don’t turn your back on them, because they need you now more than ever.’ We adhere to that philosophy. You hang tight to them, because the rest of it will work out.”
“Hjordy’s dad said, ‘Look what you would have missed if you hadn’t accepted your sons.’ He was 87 when he said that, still of sound mind, and he had a lot of good years after that with the boys,” Paul said.
“Our favorite quote from Ghandi is ‘We must be the change we want to see in the world.’ We’re stepping up and we want to make a difference for families, kids, and society.”
Paul and Hjordy’s official book “launch” is May 21 in Minneapolis. They will be embarking on a book tour during the next few months, and have already had interest in their work from such diverse groups as Wisconsin Public Radio, a radio station in Toronto, and a support group in Africa. Stores, including Best Buy, have been in contact with the authors. Several universities have also shown interest.
“We have a very busy schedule,” Hjordy said of the upcoming tour.
For more information on the Wagner’s book, go to <http://www.ReadyOrNotStories.com>.
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