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I had always done my Lady Beetle collection the old fashioned
way...sucking them straight through my vacuum hose. Er....HER, vacuum
hose.
“I’m sorry your worship...I duth not meaneth to stinketh up YOUR
vacuum,” I would plead from one knee to my queen after Lady Beetle
after Lady Beetle would throw their own stinky blood all over the inner
w workings of my wife’s, er rather, queen’s Dyson.
Having my life spared only after coming to the understanding that the
big screen is mine, and the vacuum is hers, we moved on, deciding to
come up with a better collection method.
Now one might think that already dividing up the property leads you one
step closer to the end, but when my queen saw the sheer genius that is
her royal jester she couldn’t help but smile and say “That’s my man.”
Each year the song and dance is the same all over the nation. Come
October, it is time to do something about the smelly, annoying,
newsomes that go by the name Asian Lady Beetles. They congregate in
corner after corner each more disgusting then the next. I’ve wondered
what they talk about while gathered one on top of the other in the
corner of a wall. They fly around your light fixtures as winter’s cold
grip draws closer, attempting to gather some warmth from the
lights soft glow.
My queen never seems bothered by them. She doesn’t collect and destroy
them with the furor that I apply to the task. I have, however, caught
her sucking the occasional beetle up with her vacuum. “Ah, HA!,” I’ll
exclaim.
“It’s only one or two at a time,” she’ll snap back.
“Yes, you’re majesty. Thes I jest.”
As Dane Wolf was busy applying his understanding of physics to coming
up with a device that would evolve into “The BugBottler,” I was busy
impressing my queen with my design talents.
My previous collection method included a cup. Not just any cup mind
you, but one we purchased at a Twins game which once contained Sprite
and sold for the low, low price of $49.95.
I would fill the cup with warm water. Why warm? I never knew, but it
felt better in my hands. Remember, it is October and winter is closing
in.
I would then fill the warm water with a pea size squirt of Dawn dish soap. Retail’s for $1.99 in most of your fine grocers.
I would then take a card from a deck of cards. Usually the cost there
would be .50 cents, but you get 52 cards, plus the jokers and
instruction cards usually two more.
Now here is the genius. I would take the wide mouth cup in one hand,
the card in the other, and place the cup just below the congregated
beetles. I would then use the card to “shovel” the bugs into the
awaiting glass.
Oh sure, some would fly away. But for the most part they would fall to their watery coffin.
Now the satisfaction doesn’t come immediately in that formula.
After collection I would place the cup on the back of the toilet and
check on them from time to time as they would slowly drown and sink to
the bottom. The joy of ridding the world of a few of these pests would
only come a day or so later when they had all sunk to the bottom, wings
out, no smell present, yet they were dead.
So you can about imagine my pure joy when I did the story on Dane’s BugBottler.
The “fwump” sound when the bugs are collected into the awaiting pop
bottle means instant gratification. To place the cap on and seal them
into their Mountain Dew coffin will be perhaps the biggest joy I will
have felt in all of my life. Yes, I’ve not lived much up to this point.
But thanks to Wolf that is no longer true.
I say bring on the coming winter. I say come on Asian Lady Beetles, the more the merrier.
I say I can’t wait to try out my new toy. Thanks Dane for making the
world a better place to live. If only real vacuuming were this fun.
Oh and if you don’t know what I am talking about and didn’t get a
chance to read last week’s Argus, visit www.hometownargus.com and read
the story titled “Pests beware: Caledonia native invents “The
BugBottler.”
You can buy your own device locally at the True Value in Caledonia...hours of fun await.
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