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Why did the deer cross the road? |
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 Now I’m no expert, but I think the deer were moving that night (last Thursday) in anticipation of the storm that was to come.
Two of my boys, my oldest and youngest, had come to Caledonia to spend a little time with dad. The day-care mom we employ to watch the two-year old had taken some time off for the holiday and we were without childcare for the week anyway so it would be a perfect time for the kids to see how life here works.
As we made our way down Highway 76 on our way to meet my friend and his family for a night of bowling in Rochester, I sensed my boys were relieved to be getting out of my small apartment.
My oldest son was relieved not to have to watch “The Wiggles” video that my youngest son watched a total of 15 times in the three days the boys were here. We were all in good spirits and ready for a night of fun.
As we made our way down Highway 76 my oldest son would spot a group of deer which would foreshadow what was to come.
They were just across the road, making their way out of the ditch on the other side. No worries, we drove on.
The second group we came to ran in front of us forcing us to tap on the brakes. I honked for good measure. “Stupid deer,” I muttered.
The third group of deer that made their way across the road that night would do so in front of a truck that was driving about 30 miles per hour in front of us. When he slowed, we slowed. The deer made their way past his vehicle. I heard him honking. “Stupid deer,” I muttered.
Just outside of Money Creek, we passed the slower vehicle. We had just cleared him when... “STUPID DEER.”
We hit a good sized doe in my wife’s mini van.
Lucky for us no one but the deer was hurt. Of course, the first image I have of the stupid deer was of her jumping as we slammed into her hind end going about 50 miles per hour. She jumped straight up, and kicked her hind legs off of our quarter panel as if to say “stupid humans.”
I never even applied the breaks. Kept right on driving. We stopped soon after down the road to assess the damage.
My wife’s van, which my family and I had made so many memories in was now just a shell of its former self.
I always joked about men who drive mini-vans, teasing the fact that when I do so I am a grocery gitter of the highest quality. But as my van sits damaged, my hands being the ones who placed it in harms way, I couldn’t help but feel a little bit sad. It’s been a good vehicle for our family and it made quite an impression on our two-year old.
All weekend long he had to tell everyone all about the incident: “daddy, um, hit’d da deer...mommy’s van,” he would tell anyone who would ask as simple a question as “How are you Ezra? Happy New Year.”
As he played with his cars, one of the damaged hand me downs from an older brother, which was damaged thanks to the blatant disregard of a four, five or six year old, now in Ezra’s mind, “da deer hit dis car.”
I am very thankful that he and his older brother are more than o.k. to talk about it like this. I am sure the deer crawled away somewhere to die, so we didn’t even get a little bit of meat out of the deal, but oh well.
This is now the second accident in as many vehicles in the just over two months that I’ve spent in Caledonia. A driver for 21 years, the two accidents are now just number two and three in all of my years behind the wheel.
My other car, a Chevy Aveo which I only own because I commute five hours one way each weekend and it saves on gas money, got into a fight a few weeks back with a cement truck. He won.
At any rate, no one on my staff will even let me ride with them in their car anymore. It is like a Nascar race where you know Ken Schrader is going to end up in a crash, you just don’t know on which lap. I am now forever going to be labeled as “that driver.”
Anyway, my wife and I own one more vehicle so I’ve only got one more to crash. I’ll keep you posted...if she ever lets me drive it.
Why did the deer cross the road? To get smucked by my mini-van, of course. Stupid deer.
Good luck Reed
I only had the pleasure of working with him for a few short weeks. However, I do know the touch he put on the newspaper will be missed greatly. His photographic eye led to many excellent shots over the years that he was working with The Argus staff.
In case you didn’t read the story on page 1, our photographer, Reed Welch is leaving for the greener, warmer pastures of sunny California. He is going to photography school out there.
We here know what kind of quality kid Reed is and we all know he’s got a bright future ahead of him. We just hope he’ll remember all of us when he’s a famous photographer for National Geographic or Sports Illustrated or some such publication. Thanks Reed for all of your hard work and dedication. We’ll miss you.
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