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Gas prices nearing $4 per gallon…the housing market in a
slump…food prices going through the roof…we’re still stuck in Iraq
after more than five years of fighting…and the state is looking at a $1
billion deficit. Lots of bad news. I think it’s time for a little
levity to brighten the picture!
I’ve always been amazed at how well some people can repeat jokes and
humorous stories. I’ve heard thousands of good jokes during my 50-plus
years. If I have an opportunity to repeat the funny tale soon after
hearing it, I can sometimes do it justice. Other times, I fail
miserably.
I heard a couple of funny stories recently that I’d rate “G” for general audiences that I’d like to share with you.
A fellow was sitting in the top row of a racetrack on a beautiful
summer day. From his seat, he could look out behind the bleachers to
the stables where the horses were being prepared for the upcoming
races. He noticed a Catholic priest in one of the stables praying over
a horse. About 10 minutes later the horse the priest had prayed over
won the first race.
As soon as the man saw the results of the first race, he quickly spun
around to see if the priest was still in the stable area. Sure enough,
the priest was praying over another horse. A few minutes later, that
horse won the second race.
The race spectator figured he had a system going here and placed a bet
in the third race on the horse that had been visited by the man in
black. The system worked. The horse won and the man placed all of his
winnings on the next horse that the priest visited. This went on for
the first six races. The man who usually didn’t wager a lot of money on
the races had amassed a small fortune.
Figuring he had a perfect system, the man raced to his bank, which was
only a few blocks away, pulled out all of his savings and returned to
the track. He got back into his seat and looked back over the bleachers
to the stable area. The priest was praying over a jet-black filly. The
man rushed to the window and placed his entire winnings and savings on
the black filly. The man was so excited. This would be his ticket off
the poor farm.
The final race started and the black filly stumbled out of the gate. At
the first turn the black filly was already three furlongs behind. By
the midpoint of the race the black filly was hopelessly out of the race
and finished dead last.
The man was devastated. He couldn’t believe what happened. His system
had seemed foolproof. He spotted the priest and figured he’d try to get
an explanation. He stopped the priest, explained how he watched him
bless each horse and that horse would win. He went on to say how he bet
on each of those horses and decided he’d sink his entire life’s savings
into the final race. He continued that he had wagered everything on the
black filly, which was the final horse he saw the priest bless.
“You’re not Catholic are you, Mister?” the priest asked. “Why no,” the man replied. “Why?”
“If you were, you’d know the difference between a priest giving a
blessing and the last rights,” the padre explained with a smile.
**********
A farm boy, who had just turned 16, bravely walked out to the barn to ask his father if he could get some help buying a car.
“A car?” his father replied. “You see that tractor sitting over there?”
he asked, pointing to the red Farmall that he bought 10 years earlier.
“As soon as I get that tractor paid off, I’ll help you buy something to
ride.”
Several days later the farmer’s second son, who was 12, told his father
that he would like a bike and asked for some help purchasing it. The
12-year-old received the same answer about getting the tractor paid off
before getting something to ride.
About a week later, the farmer’s youngest son, who was a six-year-old
spitfire, walked into the barn and asked his father if he could help
him with the purchase of a new tricycle. Once again the father recited
the story of how he had to pay the red Farmall off first, then he would
help his son buy something to ride.
As the father was finishing his speech, he and his young son watched a
young rooster do what he’s supposed to do when he wasn’t crowing. The
youngster ran over to the mating birds and with a swift kick knocked
the rooster off the hen.
“Hey, what’d you do that for?” the father hollered at his son.
“There ain’t no one gonna be riding anything around here until that
tractor gets paid off,” the young lad shot back.
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