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You’ve heard this somewhere before, plagerism at its finest I assure.
“Daniel McGonigle, a resident of southeastern Minnesota for just over
two months, is announcing his candidacy for State Senate. He is running
in district bla-blah-blah.”
“In my time on city X council, I pulled up my boot-staps, rolled up my
sleeves, got down to business, peeled my banana and reached out across
the aisle,” said McGonigle. “I’ve got a long history of working for
change and have demonstrated my ability to work with the other party to
get things done.”
Voters in district bla-blah-blah can expect McGonigle to pull away from
the rhetoric that has dominated the political landscape here-to-fore.
“Or is it here-to-fro,” anyway McGonigle goes on to state: “Too many
times our politicians in St.Paul (Washington) haven’t had the best
interest of their constituents in mind and have represented only the
wealthy special interest groups. As a trial lawyer I wasn’t swayed by
lobbyists and I’m spending millions of my own money on this campaign as
proof. My Minnesota values (insert tears here) just won’t allow me to
go there with those folks, and when you send me to St. Paul I’ll show
those guys the door (insert your applause and screams here). I didn’t
give into special interest groups when they were trying to drill for
oil through the dinner plate of a homeless man who was given a meal at
a food-shelf, his clothes tattered and worn and who embodied every
possible stereotype I can come up with, and I won’t give into
them now either.”
McGonigle has a history of getting the job done.
“I get the job done,” he said.
McGonigle noted the years of ineptitude by the previous administration
and of the need for health care reform, buzz, buzz, tax increases
on the rich, buzz, buzz, the need for change, CHANGE, buzz, buzz,
infrastructure, buzz, buzz, the Iraq war, buzz, buzz, buzz, and any
other buzz word or phrase that is catchy in the moment.
“If I am elected I promise not to raise taxes, I’ll do the job right,
I’ll work for you, the little man, I’ll turn back corporate special
interests, I’ll stand up and fight the lobbyists, I’ll weed your
gardens, I’ll fluff your pillows before bed, I’ll kiss your babies and
polls will show you’ll like me 20 percent better just for saying
all of this.”
Of course, after doing nothing for four years, when the next election
rolls around I’ll have this transcript already in place and the first
words out of my mouth will be “We need to fight for change....”
Then I’ll tell you about how as a child my mother used to bake dirt
cookies for us and if my plan works you’ll vote for me and we’ll both
say we won.
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